Yeah, EB Sucks In Canada Too.

I love Penny Arcade‘s comics Love them. So funny, so well done, and ever-topical, I try to never miss a strip. If you consider yourself a gamer, their site is weekly required reading. So good. After reading their latest comic, I always read their posts that accompany each one, and after reading their latest , I thought I’d let Gabe know that EB sucks up here in Canada too, as I had almost the exact experience a couple weeks back.

My brother and I were both intent on picking up Guitar Hero III on launch day, both of us being hooked on GH2 previously. He was getting the 360 stand-alone title (no need for another guitar), while I was gonna pick up the Wii guitar bundle pack, so that we could either rock upstairs in the living room with the whole family (where the Wii is), or in our classic gaming ’dungeon’ downstairs (where the 360 resides), also (and more importantly), we wouldn’t have to wait for our own turn anymore! Go play your own damn copy! That was the plan.

We got there early, ‘cause I thought there would be a line up (Moki, my bro, didn’t think there would be, oh so naïve…), but there wasn’t. At first. Soon there was a line-up 35-strong, probably closer to 40 , 45, maybe more, with Moki and I at the front. Cool. I can’t recall the last time I was first in line for something this anticipated. Man I was happy we came early. The place opened up (3 minutes late, btw) and I bounced on in past the stacks of boxed GH3 bundles straight to the counter, all excited and smiling like a goofball, and I ask him if today’s the day the new Hannah Montana game comes out on DS. Hey says “huh?”, and I tell him “nah, never mind, I’m just trying to be funny, I’m just kidding. I want the Wii Guitar Hero III bundle please”, to which he quickly asks me (without missing one goddamned beat), “Got a Pre-Order?” I tell him No, he says “then we’re all sold out.” Just like that.

The frickin' place just opened, I’m the first goddamned person in the store, to buy a game that’s released that very day, and he tells me that the boxes and boxes of GHIII littering the store all around me are sold-out. What a motherlovin’ joke. I was just about speechless. “Really? Are you frickin’ serious about this? All of them?”, that was all I could say, “yep, you should have pre-ordered it.” Well, my brother got his stand-alone copy, and I got back in line, after first leaving the store in angry disbelief, and picked up Zack & Wiki (God I’m happy I did, as it is so many flavours of awesome), and we went home, with me cursing EB all the way.

Seriously, that’s just nuts, to not stock any extra copies of a game with that much drawing power, for all your walk-up traffic. WTF? I am well aware of EB’s general evil-ness, it is well documented all over the web (as well as by the aforementioned PA), but this was the first time I personally have been stung by them this bad, and its ridiculous. I could fill another couple posts with choice words for EB and what I think about this situation, but I would think its obvious how stupid decisions like this are, and only further cements their business’ reputation in gamers’ eyes as greedy, corporate, asshats that don’t give a damn about their customer base one bit. So you see Gabe, these glorified pawn shops are just as ridiculous here in Canada as they are down south, and no, its not just you.

- Kimo

Ask and Ye Shall receive....

….or so it would seem, as I had just posted a rant questioning Nintendo’s lack of Super Mario Galaxy hype, when they go and, first -and more subtly - release Super Mario Bros. 3 for Virtual Console in honour of Galaxy’s impending arrival, then they finally unload the long-awaited (by me anyways) commercial for it upon the airwaves and interwebs. ‘Bout time Nintendo, what took so long? As I originally feared, it continues the “Wii would like to play” series of ads, but its not as bad as I thought it would be. Still, I think they should have gone a different path with Galaxy’s ads, more in line with the terrific Japanese commercials. Perhaps for Smash Bros. I guess, as I’m not sure how that game will fit into the mould of the “Wii would like to play” style. Here’s a couple videos to compare, the just released North American commercial, and one of the Japanese commercials, which one do you prefer?




I like the “video-gamey” feel of the Japanese version, how about you?

-Kimo

Explaining this Blog's Review Scoring System

Every once in a while here I like to offer my 2 cents on whether or not I think a game is worth your hard-earned dollars, and ever-valuable time. Now, its not like there’s a shortage of video game reviews out there, but I honestly feel there’s many that aren’t very good, and quite often I wish to yell many inventive and colourful expletives in the general direction of whomever authors these “reviews’ I read online. But I figure why complain about it, instead, try to do something to help the situation. So here I am, hopefully writing good, relatively well-written reviews to help the cause of educating gamers everywhere, in an intelligent, non-fan boy-ish manner, on how to better spend their gaming dollars.

Now I prefer a non-graded, non-rating type of review system. A well written review should speak for itself, and a simple number, or grade, can never encompass or convey the entirety of a review, if it’s thought-provoking, well written, or otherwise enlightening in some way. Far too many people gloss over the entire review, to get straight to its “score”, and base everything off that one number, or grade, or number of stars, or whatever. I also feel that many online don’t really understand the real reasons why a game gets the score that it does get, the rationale behind it, that is, and overreact when they see a game they were looking forward to get a 7 on some site, thinking that’s a bad score. Weren’t you happy when you got 70% on your Math test in school? Its well over passing, what makes it a bad score? Well, according to the internets anything less than 80% is a fail, apparently. Sure, I could blame certain sites, as others have, but its still a pretty widespread problem in the video game review industry (online, anyways) to throw around 80 & 90%’s pretty damn commonly.

So I’ve avoided them completely up until now. In an effort to enhance the visibility of my little blog here, and try to help even out crazy scores, I’ll be submitting my reviews to various review-gathering websites out there. The thing is, you’ve gotta have a Ratings system that they can use in their rankings of a game’s overall score. It makes sense, how else could they compile an average, right? It’s the whole point of those sites. I used the common 10-point scale, 10 being the highest, 1 the lowest, which is easily converted to % points if need be. What follows is an outline for how games will earn the score they’re given, which will be awarded at the end of each review. There will be a link to this post in each review as well.

Yet Another Site of Mine’s Game Scoring Guide

10: Much like how 100% on an essay does not imply perfection in the sense that it couldn’t have possibly been written any better, a game receiving a 10 is not necessarily perfect per-se, but is as close to it as possible in video gaming. A revolutionary title, that changes the way we play, or even how we look at video games. You will likely never see a game receive this score on this site, as its not a score to be tossed around lightly, but know that it is theoretically possible.

9 : An absolutely incredible gaming experience from beginning to end. The reason you started playing video games in the first place. Only incredibly teeny-tiny, nit-picking, minor, yet still noticeable, issues (slight slowdown or frame rate drops here or there, a camera system that occasionally suffers in rare situations, not a very original story, little stuff like that) prevent these titles from getting a 10, but only just barely. Should be considered “practically getting a 10”, that’s how good a game getting a 9 would be. Absolute ‘must-buy’ games, that any gamer should play, regardless of genre or preference. A score for Game of the Year candidates.

8: See the criteria for a 9, but with a just few more noticeable issues that can pull you out of the game from time to time, yet they don’t necessarily ruin an otherwise excellent gaming experience. Games that score an 8 should still be considered fantastic, top-tier games worthy of your time, that are largely worth overlooking whatever their problems may be. Perhaps it’s a simply glorious experience that’s over far too quickly with little replay value, or the multi-player aspect doesn’t work as well as the single player, or the camera system screws up a little more than rarely, but not enough to be broken and unplayable, merely just occasionally inconvenient, requiring a little work to get around. Issues like those. Games scoring an 8 would still absolutely be considered ‘must-buy” across the board, with possibly a few exceptions here and there that would depend more heavily on genre preference. Still a very high score, and a truly great video game.

7: Well produced, solidly crafted, and fun to play, but lacking a whole lot more beyond that. These games are like sequels that don’t ruin the experience, but don’t expand it either, they merely offer an extension of something that’s already proven to work, with a few new features or additions more akin to refinement. Still to be considered a high score for any game to receive, and should not be taken lightly by any means, but not the kind of game to set the industry, or even a particular genre, on fire with its ideas, concepts, or gameplay. A solid, well-made game that is definitely deserving of your time, but could use just a bit more polish in spots to take it from ‘really good“ to “great“.

6: A definite above-average game, that is still playable and fun, but may require you to look past a few more issues to find that enjoyment. Still good games, titles that score a 6 don’t look to offer new experiences to gamers, but rather rehash previous proven experiences in new packaging, or if they do attempt to offer something new, possibly one or two areas feel rather underdeveloped and hold it back. It may also be so genre-specific, or niche-marketed, that widespread must-buy enthusiasm may only apply to a select few, which could also apply to some games scoring 7‘s as well. These are still fun, good games, but often what you see is what you get, and not much else.

5: These games aren’t really trying, but just barely make a passing grade, due to graphical prowess that impresses in spite of lacklustre game play, inspired ideas lurking beneath an overall un-inspired design, or completely re-hashing or porting something already proven adequately enough, with little-to-no additions or enhancements at all, and sometimes even losing features along the way. If you’re bored with your current collection, or between big-releases and looking for something new, and find one of these in the bargain bin for cheap, give it shot and you’ll most likely enjoy it a wee bit, possibly an afternoon or three, but quickly forget about it . A rental, and that’s about it, unless it’s a series you follow, or are a fan of, and need everything that’s released in its franchise.

4: Definitely below-average. These games take proven ideas and genres and mangle them, offering uninspired, derivative gameplay that often feels more like work than having fun playing a game. These games feel like they needed a few more weeks in development or testing, and often have bugs that hamper gameplay and fun. Think most licensed shovel ware. There may be some fun to be had, but not much, and its usually quite shallow. Possibly a rental, and usually never any more than that.

3: These games may look good in spots, they may even feature big-name characters or franchises, or come from high-profile publishers, but are not any fun to play. These are the games with broken controls, that frustrate the hell out of you because you’re doing what you’re supposed to, but its not translating on the screen. A rushed, or very badly produced/poorly thought-out game is what you’ll find on the receiving end of this score. A game to avoid if you don’t want to throw your controller across the room in a fit of rage.

2: Absolute digital garbage, not worth any gamers time. The games that make you simply wonder why it was ever shipped. Any redeeming qualities these games may have is easily overshadowed by problem after problem, that render the final product, if not un-playable, completely un-enjoyable. Avoid at all costs if you enjoy video games. These games make Miyamoto cry.

1: Worst of the worst. Take a game that receives a 2, strip away whatever redeeming qualities it did have, leaving only an unplayable mess in its place, and you have the lowest of the low. Do not buy, even if you see it at a yard sale for a quarter, save it for a phone call.

0: A “Video Game” in name only, with no characteristics of actual ‘video gaming’ to be found. I hope to never have to ‘award’ this score to any game I play, it would shake my faith in the industry.

All games are scored against others in their genre, and consideration is of course given to which system they are published for, whenever applicable. Any score, other than 10 obviously, may have a .5 added onto it, as some games walk a fine line between a 7 and an 8, for example. I think its all rather obvious, and it’s really the internet standard system these days. But here it is, officially, so enjoy, and always feel free to comment.

-Kimo

Nintendo Wii (or Wü?) Wannabe Zapper Light Gun Review

I don’t know about any of you, but I intend on picking up the Nintendo Zapper- the plastic shell-cum-light gun cradle thingy that holds your Wiimote and nunchuk Tommy-Gun style - when its released later this month, even if only for the freebie Zelda-themed Crossbow shooting game that’s packaged with it. I was kinda iffy about it (I loved - and miss - the original design from E3 2006) until they surprised me with that announcement, and the prospect of shootin’ up some zombies and other blastables via Link and his crossbow sealed the deal for me. Ghost Squad from SEGA looks pretty damn good too, as does MOH2’s nice bonus old-school arcade mode, not to mention I’ll most likely end up owning RE: Umbrella Chronicles too, as I’m a sucker for that series in general. Sure I could (and likely will) play all these games without the extra moulded plastic hardware, but part of me feels that, hopefully, these games have been designed with the zappers’ unique layout in mind, and may actually play a little better, or be a little bit more fun, with the zapper as opposed to without. Probably not, but I intend on finding out when it’s finally released, as I’ve been a Light Gun gaming fan for years, and would love to see it replicated with the Wii Remote, as it seems a rather natural fit.

Imagine my delight then, when the other day upon finally waking up (I work graveyard shifts and sleep the days that I work, see), I find that a friend of mine had stopped by and dropped off a little gift for me, and it was a light gun cradle for the Wiimote. Here’s a couple pictures of the package it came in:

I got a chuckle from the classic engrish on the packaging, and their interesting take on the spelling of “Wii” (how the hell are you supposed to pronounce that?), but quickly got down to the business of tearing into it and trying it out. There is an input for the nunchuk on the bottom of the butt of the gun, which according to the packaging must be connected before the remote, not too sure why though, but whatever, it’s a good spot for it, and so far I was pleased. But then I was to soon learn something that would simultaneously become both one of the biggest knocks against this knock-off, and my biggest, newest concern about the official zapper itself: the Wiimote doesn’t fit inside the cradle if you’re using the blessed Nyko rechargeable battery paks. That is a huge, huge strike against it, and something that hadn’t actually even crossed my mind about Ninty’s offering until now.

Luckily I have a third Remote that came with Wii Play, that I still use batteries for (the Nyko charger only comes w/two paks.), I slid it in and it fit like a glove. I fired up the aforementioned game and went immediately to the shooting gallery game, which I thought would be a perfect fit. The gun itself adds a little (but not too much) weight to the remote, and it feels pretty good overall. Feels solid and generally well-built for what it is. Upon playing the game I discovered the biggest complaint against this product; the frustratingly-way-too-damn-slow unresponsive trigger. Seriously, the ‘targets’ and ‘alien’ levels were infuriating, and I was having really no fun using this gun with this game, as the trigger mechanism is just too slow. After a couple more rounds, and right-pissed off at this frickin’ gun, I tried a couple more rounds w/just the remote itself and more than doubled my previous sad, low scores when it was docked. “Why does this suck so much?”, I thought, and investigated the trigger mechanism. There’s a bit of plastic that moves back when you pull the trigger, and it in turn presses the B button on the Wiimote. Eventually. This is what it looks like:



What you can‘t see in these pictures, is that the time it takes for the trigger to move all the way back to its starting position, and back to finally press the B trigger is woefully inadequate for quality gaming, but I still thought I could make it work, so I gave it another go. I tried playing by keeping my finger pressed on the trigger, and not letting it recoil all the way, so I could keep the mechanism relatively close to the trigger at all times, resulting in, hopefully, quicker shots. While this did kinda work to some small extent, it is not in any way preferable to playing sans-gun, as you never quite keep your finger in that small ‘sweet spot’ the trigger needs to fire off successive rounds, and kinda makes playing it, you know, not fun. This gun was making my finger cramp up already, and I’d only been playing for about 10 minutes or less.

So, it kinda sucks with Wii Play, would it work with something else? Well, possibly I guess, but not with any of the most-likely games I have and tried. You can forget about using this with either Metroid Prime 3, Red Steel, Call of Duty 3, Transformers, or The Godfather, that’s for sure, as you simply need to use more buttons on the Wiimote than just the B button, which is pretty much all you have access to with this set-up. I went through that frustration for you already with each game, and no fun was had doing so. Don’t even think about trying Elebits with this, as you need more speed than this can offer, and it will kill your finger trying to keep up. This is not “playing easily, playing happily”, as the package had promised. Perhaps the game plays well with Splinter Cell Double Agent, since Sam Fisher is so prominently displayed on the packaging, but I don’t own that (apparent) shovelware clunker, and I highly doubt that it does anyways. The only game that was tolerable at all with the gun attached was Rayman Raving Rabbids’ shooting stages, since they move at a slow enough pace, and even then it was much less fun with the gun than it is without it, leading me to wonder exactly when I would ever use this hunk of white plastic again.

Probably never, which sucks, ‘cause I likely won’t be buying a 2nd zapper just for 2-player games (I do only need one copy of X-bow training, after all), and this could’ve been a neat alternate, but this is only really any good if you’re looking to handicap someone during a match, thus ensuring your victory. Otherwise, in my opinion, don’t drop your cash on this cash-in, as I guarantee you will regret it. No, in my humble opinion its likely better to wait and spend the wee-bit extra on the official plastic remote cradle that comes free with your purchase of Link’s Crossbow Training (or is that the other way around?). And, lets all just keep our fingers crossed that the official gun allows remotes with Nyko chargers attached, as I am now a little concerned about that. That would pretty much kill it for me, as I am done with batteries in my Wiimotes, and swear by the Nyko paks.

-Kimo

As an added bonus, here’s some more entertaining pictures of the packaging, and of the gun itself:

Should Someone Tell Nintendo That Super Mario Galaxy Drops on Nov. 12th??

Man, I’m so totally stoked for Super Mario Galaxy. I can’t wait. Even my wife, traditionally a rather casual gamer, is really looking forward to it, having finally seen it in motion and instantly having the urge to play it. But this wasn’t because she saw a commercial for it while watching TV. Oh no, for her to even know about it, I had to tell her, and then show her the Japanese commercial on YouTube to explain all the crazy things I was trying to describe. Same thing for my niece, sister, friends, etc., I showed them all these grainy internet flash videos, and now they’re all anticipating its arrival quite eagerly as well. You see this game, any stage, you instantly want to play it. Its got mad drawing power. But a few days ago they didn’t know anything about it at all. Isn’t this odd for a game that will be released in less than two weeks?!?!

Well I for one certainly think so, but that’s just how Nintendo rolls these days, now keen on the ultra-low-key approach. There seems to be some kind of over-confidence at Nintendo of America that all of their games will sell millions on the merits of word-of-mouth alone. That they don’t even have to show them. They missed the hype-boat for Metroid Prime 3 by a mile, and tried to make up for it with a “Month of Metroid”, but as much as I and other like-minded gamers appreciated that, what about those folks who’s Wii’s aren’t online, it was useless in getting the message to them, or even to people who don’t have a Wii, to which MP3 could’ve been a system seller? They got this ridiculous commercial to try and win them over with. I say ridiculous because I don’t think that an IP like Metroid is properly marketed with the ‘Blue Ocean’ philosophy that works for the rest of the Wii ads. Metroid is not the game to try and rope in new gamers with. I mean, for example, those people shown playing the game in the commercial would likely quit playing after 15-30 minutes upon realising the time investment ahead of them, and the intense gameplay involved in playing it. And to most gamers, that commercial wasn’t going to be the deal maker that made you want it. Quite the opposite could happen I’d think, as it may give the appearance that the game has been watered down to accommodate a wider audience (which isn’t the case, btw). In other words; this commercial did not fit the game being advertised, at all, in my opinion. Especially when you compare it against these other examples in the franchises’ history. This is the same company?

This is the same company that gave us this truly classic Mario ad, or this one for Super Mario 64, which properly hyped the revolution that it was in gaming? The same company that helped produce an entire movie just to hype and advertise Super Mario Bros.3? And they’re gonna stay mum on Super Mario frickin’ Galaxy, a game that looks like the Mario game to beat all Mario games? Not even a ‘Month of Mario’ or Mario Channel like Metroid had? I don’t get it. You’re leading the industry right now, why not make a little noise, stick your chest out and start pounding on it, yelling “look how awesome I am, look what I can do, this is why I‘m here to stay”, or whatever, instead of keeping things practically secret? Don’t you want people to know about these amazing games you’re making?

Let’s look at some of Microsoft’s recent marketing. Yes, the ad campaign for Halo 3 was overblown, but you’ve gotta admit that those series of ads were epic, and likely even generated interest from folks that don‘t know Master Chief from Laura Croft, but knew that it looked fun/interesting/important in someway. Whether or not you’re totally sick of this series of ads, you can’t deny how great they are/were in scope, and how much confidence in their product MS showed with them. I also totally love the new 360 commercials that are currently running, the one with Nothin’ But a Good Time playing over it. I like a lot of things about it, but I mention it here because you’ll notice that one of the games featured in the ad is Mass Effect, which isn’t released until Nov. 20th, but has been being advertised in this commercial for a while now. Its already being showcased as one of the games to be playing on your 360 before you ever see the first real ad for it. Subtle, but smart.

Sony too, has been improving with their ads, which used to be nearly incomprehensible at times, or downright creepy. Heavenly Sword was sufficiently hyped by its ad, I think, which was alright. I really enjoy this ad for Ratchet & Clank: Future too, and think Nintendo should be taking notes for its eventual Galaxy commercial from this one, as I feel its fantastic and one of my new favourite gaming commercials ever. Quite well done. But the best from Sony has got to be this recent PS3 ad. Wow. That’s one sleek video game commercial there! While there’s a lot to like about this one as well, the aspect worth pointing out as it pertains to this topic is thus: PS Home, while delayed until sometime in 2008, is largely showcased in this commercial. Again, that’s just smart, its getting the word out way ahead of time and claiming a bit of mindshare in a cluttered environment. More people are potentially aware of PlayStaton Home, which, again, is due next year, than are potentially aware of Super Mario Galaxy, out in nine days!! Cuh-razy.

My only other concern regarding Galaxy’s marketing, aside from the apparent complete lack of it, is that it will follow in Metroid’s footsteps, and be presented in the same style. Look, I like the “Wii Would Like to Play” ads, and Ninty’s new direction as a whole. I really do, it was a breath of fresh air, and who am I to argue anyways, its obviously working well for them. I like knowing that hearing that cool Kodo music means a Wii commercial is coming. I’m not attacking their style or new image here. No, I’m just saying that not all Wii games released should follow the same marketing style, as Metroid proved that it just doesn’t gel with everything. And me-thinks that Galaxy would be better suited to another style of marketing as well, more like the Japanese commercials, that keep the focus on the game, not who’s playing it or how they’re playing it, but why you want to play it. But I won’t hold my breath waiting for that, I’m pretty sure that whenever the ad is released it will follow suit with the rest of Nintendo’s Wii ads.

I guess we’ll see if that works, or if I’m wrong and they do a totally Mario-worthy commercial for it, whenever they finally DO release it upon the masses, which has gotta be pretty soon. But then again, another worthy Wii title, Battalion Wars II, is still MIA on the airwaves, but already in stores, so who knows. Nintendo, why don’t you want everybody to know about all these great games? Its very confusing….

- Kimo

50,000 Views?? Wow!!!

It was basically just for kicks. Seriously, I didn’t think it would ever get that high of a view count, or that much attention. What the hell am I talking about you say? Well, back when the Wii was first announced, and really digging at the time where Nintendo was going with gaming this generation, I came up with this little parody of Queen’s We Will Rock You, and called it - wait for it - Wii Will Rock You. Yes, I know, originality at its best, for sure. But hey, it was just a fun little one-off idea I had. Of course hundreds of other people had the exact same idea at the same time, and also flooded the internets with it, but I made mine unique with new lyrics, making it, you know, a true parody of sorts. It made me laugh, what can I say, so I actually recorded it (by some seriously archaic methods), despite not possessing the talent to actually sing, mind you, and slapped together a little video of my own to upload. It was just a fun little fan video, and I had a fun time writing it, and putting it together. I knew some other Nintendo fans may see it, I did put it on YouTube after all, but I never thought the views would climb over 50 frickin’ thousand! That’s amazing, and consider me blown away. I’m even more surprised that its received so many kind words in the comments, and maintained a 4 ½ star rating through it all. Pretty cool. So, I’d really like to say thank you, internets, glad you (mostly) liked it.

However, there is something I’d like to say about this particular video & song though, since this is a perfect opportunity to do so, and that is that this is not as fanboy-ish as it may appear to be, or that you may be led to believe by reading through the numerous comments (btw, there are just over 440 comments for this video). No, rather it was my critique of where I saw the video gaming industry going heading into this generation, not what I wished or hoped necessarily, but just what I think would play out. I intentionally didn’t say anything really disparaging or hateful about the other companies if you really listen to the lyrics, which I tried really hard to rhyme with or mimic the original lyrics as close as possible. So, this is what I‘m gonna do, I’ll break the song down completely for you, these are the lyrics for the song (with the original lyrics in parentheses underneath):

*** Please keep in mind that this was written around Aug or Sept 2006 ***

Sony’s got a toy with a big price, prayin’ their machines’ gonna be the big gun some day.
(Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise, playin’ in the street gonna be a big man some day)

But they’ll have egg on their face, they’ll cry in disgrace, if Blu-Ray ends up losing this new Beta race.
(You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, kickin your can all over the place)

Translation: PS3 cost over $600 ($700+ here in Canada) when it came out. For a video game machine. For, technically speaking, an electronic toy. And of course they hoped it would be the #1 machine. But they would look pretty bad if it failed due to Blu-Ray not catching on as widely as they had hoped, like what happened to them with Betamax in the 80’s. No bashing, no ridiculous comments, just a thought of what could happen to them this generation, ‘cause they seemed to be going after a different market altogether that Nintendo, or even Microsoft, was. Read: they shouldn’t underestimate Nintendo this generation, or be so confident that people will spend whatever on anything PlayStation, as has been the case thus far in the past, because the Blu-Ray drive in the PS3 initially drives the price too high for the average gamer, and that will look like a poor decision should Blu-Ray fail. Whew! That’s what those two lines meant, not “OMG. PS3’s too $$$. Sony Sux”, or anything like that. Next, Xbox 360:

Microsoft’s the young man, rich man, they got into the game and took the world online to play.
(Buddy you’re a young man, hard man, shoutin in the street gonna take on the world some day)

They drew first blood in this race, can they keep up the pace? I hope they don’t mind ending up 2nd place.
(You got blood on yo face, you big disgrace, wavin your banner all over the place)

Translation: MS is the young man, that is, the newest player of the 3 in the home console arena, the rich man because, well, I shouldn’t have to tell you, and once they got into gaming they showed people how to take console gaming online the right way, with LIVE, and continued that great implementation (actually improving it) with 360. They came out first, by a whole year, of the three, but would they keep selling as many consoles as they were once these other two machines came out? They were the leader by a mile at the start of this generation, but there was a danger they may lose their chart-topping position once the affordable Wii, and powerful PS3 were released. These two lines I don’t believe need much “this isn’t a fan boy rant” explanation, as they are actually relatively pro-Microsoft in a way. Now, the Nintendo verse:

Nintendo is the old man, wise man, and their big surprise was to change the whole way we play.
(Buddy youre an old man, poor man, pleadin with your eyes gonna make you some peace some day)

They’ll put a smile on your face, through innovation and grace, this system could put them back into 1st place.
(You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, somebody better put you back in your place)

Translation: Nintendo is over 100 years old, hence the old man, wise man line, and of course they surprised everybody when they unveiled the Wii Remote at E3. They touted the machine as a ‘revolution’ (~_^) in gaming, and every picture of someone interacting with the remote showed a big goofy smile on their face (this is especially evident in all of Nintendo’s promotional materials for Wii). The Remote was definitely innovative, and it looked like many movements in some games required a certain grace to pull off, that could only be done with such a controller (again, this is what most pre-launch videos and materials highlighted). And after their slow sink to the bottom of the industry (for home consoles that is, starting with N64, leading to the disappointment of GameCube), this super-hyped, so-called-revolutionary ‘’new-gen” machine could be just the thing to catapult them to the top spot once again. That’s what those two lines meant.

Of course, between each verse there was the ‘Wii Will Rock You” chorus’, which really refers to the gaming industry, and the other companies, in general. It will “Rock You” in the sense that it will be a huge wake-up call to the industry that graphics and power are not the be-all end-all in videogames, but rather its the content and gameplay. And that you can expand the market too, bringing in more gamers who feel “rocked” by how playing on Wii ‘feels’, compared to more traditional games. That pretty much sums that up I guess.

So, the whole song was based on what had been shown prior to launch, the gaming climate at the time, and what I thought would happen at the start of this generation. Again, not what I wanted or hoped to happen like in a fan boy-ish type of way, just pure speculation. I’ll say this though: I’m a video game fan boy, that is, I’m a fan of gaming in general, not individual profit-based corporations. I play everything from Wii to 360 to Dreamcast to PS2 to DS to whatever, all the way back to Atari 2600, you name it, I have that system (except for Neo*Geo, or, yet, a PS3), and play it, and love it, ‘case I’m a gamer, dammit.

Yeah, this song was a funny idea, and I still stand by it as a parody, but I don’t like the unnecessary fan boy connotations & branding that comes with it. I was trying to think of a way to make a video that praises PS3, or even 360, just to make it all even, but I thought why bother really? The only person who’s gonna call me a Nintendo Fanboy is either a Sony or Microsoft Fanboy, so really, who am I trying to please by doing that? Exactly, it pointless, so I just say enjoy it if you dig it, go find a Pro-Sony or MS video if you don’t, but please listen closely to the lyrics before slinging accusations around. I don’t mean just me personally, I mean the whole internet. There’s an almost tourette’s-syndrome-like thing online that causes people to brand others blind fan boys if they simply claim to ‘like’ something. It’s really quite silly.

Well, that’s all the time I’m gonna spend typing about that, I feel I’ve explained myself rather thoroughly there, and well, you can think whatever you like. The funny thing about everything though? It’s almost like I wrote a prophecy or something (OK, I’ll calm down), because nearly everything that I said could happen, did, in a way. Weird, man. I did have an idea a couple months back for a follow-up to this video, a sequel if you will, done with the other half of the song, “We Are The Champions” (with ‘We’ changed to ‘Wii’, of course), and even wrote half of it out (I’d definitely say it was much, much funnier than this one too), but I nixed it. Only a pure Nintendo Fanboy would make a video like that. ;P

-Kimo